Chapter 6 - Revising Business Messages

Revising for conciseness

a.       Eliminating flabby expression

What does it mean by flabby expression?

Flabby expression is extra words that make your writing seems unclear, weak, rambling, and unstructured. It often contains overused words which seem meaningless to the reader.

It is required to eliminate the unnecessary words in order to make your writing reach a higher level. You need to make your message become concise. These examples show you how to change the flabby expressions into the concise ones.

Flabby	Concise
As a general rule	Generally
At a later date	Later
At this point in time	Now, presently
Despite the fact that	Although
Due to the fact that	Because

b.      Limiting Long Lead-Ins

This means you need to delete unnecessary introductory words.

For example:

Instead of saying “I am sending you this e-mail to announce that we have hired a new manager”, you can say “We have hired a new manager”.

I am sending you this e-mail to announce that we have hired a new manager

c.       Dropping unnecessary there is/ are and it is/ was fillers

d.      Rejecting Redundancies

Redundancies are expressions with repeating meaning or including unnecessary words (redundant. For example,  the word unexpected surprise can be changed into surprise because unexpected carries the same meaning as surprise. Here are the examples of redundant and concise words.

Redundant	Concise
Absolutely essential	Essential
Adequate enough	Adequate
Basic fundamentals	Fundamentals or basics
Big in size	Big
Combined together	Combined

e.      Purging empty words

Empty words and phrases: case, degree, the fact, factor, instance, nature and quality.

Because of the degree of active participation by our sales reps, profit soared.

It sounds better when we remove them.

Avoid saying the obvious.

If it comes, omit it.

This is to inform you that we have a toll-free service line

Clauses begin with that, which and who can often be shortened without loss of clarity.

All employees who are among those completing the course will be reimbursed.

Revising for clarity

a.       KISS

KISS stands for Keep It Short and Simple. KISS formula is using active-voice sentences that avoid indirect, pompous language. Here is the example.

Wordy and unclear	Improved
Employees haven’t been made sufficiently aware of the potentially adverse consequences regarding the use of  these perilous chemicals.	Warn your employees about these dangerous chemicals.

b.      Cliches and Slang

Cliches are expressions, words, and phrases which are overused. For example, you say “below the belt” instead of “last but least”.

Slang is informal words with changeable meanings. For example, you write “gr8” instead of “great”.

c.       Unburying Verbs

Buried Verb	Unburied Verb
Conduct a discussion of	Discuss
Create a reduction of	reduce
Give consideration to	consider
Make an assumption of	Assume

d.      Controlling Exuberance

Exuberance is commonly shown by using  very, definitely, quite, extremely, really, totally,etc. These may strengthen your meaning, but using them too much may seem unprofessional.

Excessive Exuberance	Businesslike
We totally agree that we actually did not really give his proposal a very fair trial.	We agree that we did not give his proposal a fair trial.

1. Designing Documents for Readability

a.       Employing white space

Use headings, bulleted numbers, effective margins, and Improve readibility and comprehension (shortening sentences & paragraphs) to increase the white space

b.      Understanding Margins and Text Alignment

Business letters or memos usually have side margins of 1 to 1 ½ inches.

c.       Choosing Appropriate Typefaces

Two most categories in business message are Serif typefaces whichh have small features at the end of strokes (e.g. Times New Roman, Century, Georgia and Palatino), and Sans serif typefaces which are clean and widely used for headings, signs and material that doesnt require continuous reading (e.g Arial, Calibri, Helvetica, Tahoma, Univers and Verdana)

For less formal message or decorative effects :

Happy, Creative script/ funny (Comic Sans, Brush script, Gigi, Jokerman, Kristen)

Assertive, Bold, Modern Display (Britannic Bold, Broadway, Elephant, Impact, showcard)

Plain Monospaced (Courier, Letter Gothic, Prestige Elite)

d.      Capitalizing on Type Fonts and Sizes

During revision process, you need to think about font style and size appropriately. Make it looks comfortable according to the necessity.

e.      Adding Headings for Visual Impact

By adding headings, you can improve readability, encourage the writer to group similar material together, and help busy readers to skim.

Chapter 5 - Organizing and Writing Business Messages

Guffey’s 3-x-3 Writing Process

Prewriting: analyze, anticipate, adapt

Writing: Research, organize, compose

Revising: revise, proofread, evaluate

Formal and Informal Research Methods

In formal research methods, you can access electronically, search manually, go to the source, investigate primary sources, and conduct scientific experiments. Meanwhile, in informal research methods, you look in the files, talk with your boss, interview the target audience, conduct an informal survey, brainstorming for ideas, and creating cluster diagrams.

Organizing Ideas Using Lists and Outlines

Lists and outlines are used to organize ideas. There are two outlining formats: format for alphanumeric outline, and format for decimal outline as you can see below.

Organizing Ideas into Patterns

You need to organize ideas into pattern in order to attract the attention of audience. When should one use direct pattern or indirect pattern? Direct pattern is used when the audience seem to be pleased, mildly interested, and neutral. In this case, you can directly go to the point.  How about the indirect pattern? You can use it when your audience look uninterested, displeased or hostile.

Direct Pattern for Receptive Audiences

Indirect Opening	Direct Opening
Our company has been concerned with attracting better –qualified prospective job candidates. For this reason, the Management Council has been gathering information about an internship program for college students. After considerable investigation, we have voted to begin a pilot program starting next fall.	The management Council has voted to begin a college internship pilot program next fall.

Do you see the difference? In indirect opening, explanation will be given to get the audience’s interest. However, in direct opening, a clear statement is straightly given.

There are some advantages of applying direct pattern and indirect pattern.

When you use direct pattern, you will:

    1.Save the reader’s time;

2. Set a proper frame of mind;
3. Reduce frustation.

When you use indirect pattern, you will:

    1.  Respect the feelings of the audience

2. Facilitate a fair hearing
3. Minimize a negative reaction

Coherence

In order to create coherence paragraphs, you need to sustain the key idea, dovetail sentence, use pronouns, and include transitional expression.